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Meagan

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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

hello again lovers and friends! [19 Feb 2009|07:43pm]
[ mood | sentimental ]

so being thrown into a 9th grade time warp combined with the ability to have access to the internet finally has made me so ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY HAPPY! once again i'm amazed that so many of you keep up with this lj thing..but for the first time in a long time im so happy you do because it has completed my journey to 7 years ago. i hated highschool because it felt pointless, but all the good times we had due to the fact that we were never doing our work....id never trade those memories for anything. so a throwback shout out: CLASS OF 06' AND 05'....I LOVE YOU :)

<3,
megs

ps. my roommate just walked in with confetti cookies! i love my friends. :)

1 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

no conviction... [20 Jan 2008|03:41pm]
no, i will help you finish what you started this time. for the first time in your life, i am holding you accountable for your actions. you commented to never talk to you again, and then you leave me a voicemail as if you are amazed that i won't answer. follow through. do not believe that you are being the bigger person here, because you didn't even really apologize for anything when you called. sure you said it wasn't your intention to inconvenience me and that you didn't know i was busy. but let me ask you, does it matter whether you knew or not? even if i chose to do absolutly nothing yesterday and picked you up an hour later, you should be grateful. i'm not saying that for my purposes, like i'm amazing and you should worship me, but i'm saying it because i've never really ever seen you be grateful for anything. i do accept the apology on joey's behalf, and what may have been an apology about yesterday. however, those two things are not with this is mostly about. do not leave a voicemail saying there are no hard feelings when clearly there are (based on the rest of the voicemail.) do not say that it "kills you, kills you, kills you" that i won't pick up the phone to "my bestfriend"(we have that status again? wait its not on myspace...must not be official...) after you leave a comment like that. YOU ARE NOT SORRY, YOU ARE ONLY REGRETFUL. and for that i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i will not excuse what you have done based on that fact alone. you are only getting what you asked for, catered to you just the way you like it. you said that it hurts you that i acted like your friend your whole life just to talk all this shit. you once again made it sound like you were a victim, and that you are being the better person by trying to talk to me. like i said you are not sorry, you only are coming to a realization of what you've done. if you want to believe i "acted" like a friend, then you are naive. because no one was more of a friend to you than i was. you want to believe i'm talking shit, i'm sorry but talking shit would mean it's not true. i haven't said one thing that wasn't true. you are trying to make yourself feel better at this point by calling. i'm sorry you're insecure about our relationship. i've told you several times that i'm sorry if you ever feel neglected because i don't see you often. but you don't seem to get that i'm not just with joey all the time. i'm constantly hanging out with the rest of my freinds, it just is convenient that joey and i happen to share most of them. that was just coincidence, but that is how we met. i'm sorry that you choose not to hang out with anyone else. you want to make this about you so i will. I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE...BUT YOU NEED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES. until then, you will live with your words and your choices. i'm sorry if that means i'm being the lower person, but i will no longer be a part of your excuse. take care.
Look up at the sky

hoh boy, here we go... [20 Jan 2008|04:03am]
well if there is one thing that i can applaud her on, it's her ability to be consistent. i love the fact that i know if her and i are to get in to a fight it is a sure bet it will be plastered online with a fake facade much like a cheap pornagraphy whore with in a matter of hours. with this i begin to question if i am really the more immature one between the two of us as stated in her post. it is not my style to settle things this way but i feel the need to now tell the other half of the story, and for that i apologize.
let's get to it then... as for the spat, i received a call from her this afternoon asking if i could pick her and her sister up when they were finished shopping because they decided to buy a lot more then they wanted to walk home and they knew i was probably home. sure i said, just give me a call when you're finished. a little background story, i had planned to go visit my brother in st. augustine for the weekend and i got a phone call from my cousin shortly after saying that my aunt and uncle was in town and that they would like me to join them for a late lunch before i left. mind you, i still had to finish packing and get ready to go. shortly after i received a second phone call from her saying that they were ready, and i said i'd leave shortly. i finished up and got everything ready, leaving my bags so there would be more room for there stuff so i could get them, drop them off, grab my stuff and get going. i got there when i could which was literally about 20 mins since the phone call, as opposed to the afforementioned and overexaggerated 45 min in her post. as i pull up in front of the place i get a phone call from her saying "Umm.. you took too long, so me and ___ don't need you, we're already walking." in other words meaning: your time means nothing to us. we are walking because you inconvenienced us. we could not wait 20 min for a favor that we asked for, that is entirely way too long. it meant nothing that you stopped what you were doing, and arranged plans around us. we apparently did not buy more than we could carry because we're walking perfectly fine with it.
Yet they wonder why i did not stop when i passed them to pick them up. they wonder why i chose to hang up and move on with the rest of my day. she wonders why i didnt answer my door to someone that was "too good for my effort five min ago" pounding like the police (literally no exaggeration here.)but if you read her post i am a horrible person that only cares about myself and apparantly gas money.... WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING SWEETHEART... THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU, OR YOUR PRINCESS SISTER. IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO DO YOU A FAVOR, YOU TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET WHEN YOU CAN GET IT. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? IT'S A FAVOR. THE TWO OF YOU HAPPEN TO BE TWO OF THE MOST INCONSIDERATE, AND SPOILED PEOPLE I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. AND I HATE TO SAY THAT MANY PEOPLE AGREE WHETHER EITHER ONE OF YOU REALIZES IT. IT DISGUSTS ME THAT YOU COULD WRITE A POST THAT SOME HOW COMPLETELY MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A VICTIM, I CAN'T BELEIVE THAT YOU COULD BE SO SELFISH. YOU CONTINUALLY THROW YOURSELF A PITY PARTY AND MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THE WORLD IS OUT TO GET YOU. LET ME LET YOU IN ON A SECRET... IT IS. THE WORLD IS OUT TO EAT EVERYONE OF US UP ALIVE AND IT IS NOBODY'S JOB BUT YOUR OWN TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM IT. I WILL NO LONGER ALLOW YOU TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF. SURE YOU MAY RARELY ASK ME FOR A RIDE, BUT I ALWAYS GIVE IT TO YOU IF I CAN. THE POINT IS, WHICH THE TWO OF YOU DON'T SEEM TO GET IT IS, THAT YOU BOTH CONTINUALLY CHOOSE NOT TO WORK. YOU CONTINUALLY CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE A CAR, AND INSTEAD OF LIVING WITH THAT CHOICE (because you two could easily get jobs with the amount of spare time you have, and buy a car even if its a piece) YOU INSIST ON DEPENDING ON OTHERS TO COME ON YOUR EVERY BECKON CALL. AND APPARENTLY THERE IS A TIME LIMIT. YOU MENTION COMMON COURTESY... COMMON COURTESY IS THAT YOU DON'T ASK SOMEONE TO GO OUT OF THEIR WAY FOR YOU JUST SO YOU CAN DECIDE THEIR EFFORTS WEREN'T CONVENIENT ENOUGH FOR YOU. YOU TALK OF FREINDSHIP AND HOW I AM TERRIBLE AT IT. YOU NEED TO OPEN YOUR FREAKING EYES AND THINK HARD ABOUT HOW MUCH I REALLY HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU. THIS PAST SUMMER WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU HIT YOUR LOW WHO TOOK YOU IN AND GAVE YOU THEIR FULL ATTENTION, ADVICE, COMFORT AND HOPE, INSTEAD OF THEIR MOM WHEN IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY? YOU TOLD ME HOW TERRIBLE THINGS WERE FOR YOU AT HOME AND THAT YOU COULDN'T LIVE THERE EVER AGAIN, THAT THIS WAS IT. I TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO, HOW TO DO IT, I TAUGHT YOU WHAT IT TAKES TO BE TRULY INDEPENDENT AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN HOLD THE DAMN JOB. YOU HAVE NO CONVICTION IN ANYTHING YOU DO. YOU'VE NEVER TRULY DONE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF AND IT IS SAD. YOU'VE NEVER LIVED A HARD DAY IN YOUR LIFE. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO BE GREATFUL FOR AND YOU SPIT ON IT EVERYDAY. YOU AND YOUR SISTER EXPECT THE WORLD TO CATER TO YOU. THE TWO OF YOU HAVE LOST MANY FRIENDS OVER THE YEARS, YET YOU DON'T SEEM TO QUESTION WHY, YOU THINK THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD BUT YOURSELVES. SELFISH. YOU FAIL TO TAKE ANY SORT OF ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. YOU CRY ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE NO MONEY BUT YOU DON'T MAKE ANY EFFORT ASIDE FROM CALLING YOUR GRANDMA AND MAKING HER FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. DISGUSTING. SURE YOU WORK ON THE BREAKS, BUT WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT MONEY? OH WAIT YOU'RE TAKING A LOVELY TRIP TO NEW YORK SOON, WHICH I'M ALMOST WILLING TO BET YOU WILL COERCE YOUR MOM INTO CONTRIBUTING TO THE CAUSE SINCE YOU'RE GOING WITH YOUR SISTER. IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE ALL THAT FINANCIAL AID TO BLOW ON A TRIP WHEN YOU CAN'T SEEM TO PAY YOUR OWN RENT (or save to buy a car maybe?...hmm...nah, that's crazy...)I CONTINUALLY HOPE THAT ONE DAY, IF NOT THE BOTH OF YOU, THAT YOU ATLEAST START TO GET IT. BUT I'M NOT SURE IT WILL EVER HAPPEN. YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? GAS MONEY DOES MEAN A LOT TO ME, AND SO DOES MY MONEY, BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY MY MONEY, NOT MOMMY AND DADDY'S. AND YOU CAN EVEN ARGUE THAT YOU GIVE ME GAS MONEY...GUESS WHAT? IF YOU HAD A CAR, YOU'D REALIZE THAT 20-30$ DOESN'T COME ANYWHERE CLOSE TO A ROUNDTRIP FROM GAINESVILLE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU BRING YOUR LIFE HOME WITH YOU AND EVEN MORE BACK UP PLUS THE WEIGHT OF YOU YOURSELF. IT'S CALLED WEAR AND TEAR OF A VEHICLE. BUT DO I THANKYOU FOR IT ANYWAY? I LOVE HOW YOU BRING UP YOUR BOYFRIEND PAYING FOR ME. LET'S CLARIFY THIS, YOU USE ME AS A LIE TO TELL YOUR MOM SO YOU CAN STAY WITH HIM FOR A COUPLE DAYS IN WEST PALM, AND HAVE ME DRIVE WITH THE PROMISE THAT I WILL BE COMPENSATED. WE GO OUT HAVE A DINNER THAT I OFFER TO PAY MY PORTION OF AND HE REFUSES TO LET ME DO SO. WHICH IS VERY GENEROUS AND I THANKED HIM FOR. BUT THEN LATER YOU WANT TO SAY THAT HIS OFFER TO DO THAT MEANS THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HOLD UP TO YOUR END OF THE DEAL? FIRST OF ALL, HIS EXPENSES ARE NOT YOURS, AND ARE COMPLETELY UNRELATED, AND TWO I HAVE ALSO HAD BOYFRIENDS THAT HAVE PAID FOR YOUR MEALS, BUT UNLIKE YOU AND HIM, THEY ARE NOT TACKY ENOUGH TO HOLD IT OVER YOUR HEAD LATER. keep in mind that i'm not writing this in the heat of the moment like you chose to do, i've thought about my words and it's not like i got mad at you today therefore i'm going to rant and rave all over livejournal. these are ideas that i have wanted to convey to you practically our whole lives, but you just don't seem to get it. I LOVE HOW NOW THAT YOUR MAD AT ME YOU DECIDE THAT JOEY IS "UGLY AND STUPID, AND DOESN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING."(as said in my lovely voicemail.) LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF INFORMATION ARE YOU BASING THAT OFF OF. HE HAS BEEN NOTHING SHORT OF KIND TO YOU AND ACCEPTING OF YOUR BOYFRIEND, ONE OF TWO OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD TO DO SO, THE OTHER I RECALL BEING MYSELF. AND YOU SUDDENLY DECIDE THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'S UGLY AND STUPID. WAIT, WAIT, I THOUGHT IT WAS MY JOB TO BE IMMATURE, STOP DOING IT FOR ME SILLY. HOW DARE YOU, HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY ONE BAD WORD ABOUT HIM. HE KNOWS MORE ABOUT LIFE THAN YOU COULD EVER HOPE TO LEARN, HE IS KIND AND LOVING TO EVERYONE AND DOES NOT DESERVE SUCH DISRESPECT. HOW YOU COULD SAY HE'S STUPID IS BEYOND ME, HE DOESN'T GO TO YOUR SCHOOL BECAUSE HE HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS, HE GOT INTO EVERY OTHER SCHOOL IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA AND SOME OUT OF STATE, HE JUST REALLY HAS HIS SIGHTS ON UF, UNLIKE SOME. I COULD CARELESS IF YOU AND YOUR SISTER THINK HE'S NOT ATTRACTIVE, BECAUSE THE TWO OF YOU WILL NOT KNOW LOVE LIKE THAT ANYWHERE IN THE NEAR FUTURE. OH AND BREAKING UP EVERY OTHER DAY AND LETTING SOMEONE WHO ISNT YOUR BOYFRIEND FINGERFUCK YOU ARE NOT TYPICAL SIGNS OF IT. (what was really funny about that was how you tried to tell me, and yourself for that matter, that you were proud that you didn't do anything back to him. that it was just him touching you even though you wanted so much more...unbelievable...hope i didn't blow your cover) YET YOU MAKE ME OUT TO BE A WHORE FOR SPENDING MORE TIME WITH MY BOYFRIEND THEN I DO WITH YOU. WOOOOOW. HEAVEN FORBID I STUDY WITH SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY TAKES LIFE SERIOUSLY AND MOTIVATES ME. THAT MUST BE A TERRIBLE IDEA..HMM MAYBE I COULD HAVE STUDIED WITH YOU HAD YOU BOUGHT YOUR BOOKS..HOWD THAT ANTHRO CLASS GO BY THE WAY? OH WAIT YOU DROPPED IT. MUST BE NICE TO ONLY HAVE CLASS TUES AND THURS, SOME BEING ONLINE, DROP ONE, AND STILL NOT WORK. LET'S NOT FORGET THAT YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THOSE CLASSES WITHOUT YOU HAVING OTHER PEOPLE TAKE YOUR ONLINE TESTS, SUCH AS MYSELF, AND THE NEIGHBORS AND EXBOYFRIENDS YOU FLIRTED WITH BECAUSE YOU KNEW THEY'D DO IT. YOU MUST GET THIS IDEA OF USING PEOPLE FROM YOUR SISTER, SHE'S TERRIFIC AT IT. AS TO WHAT ME AND MY BOYFRIEND DO IS ENTIRELY KNOWN OF YOUR BUSINESS AND SOMETHING YOU DO NOT HAVE MUCH KNOWLEDGE OF, SO I SUGGEST YOU START PARTING WAYS WITH THE IDEA THAT I'M SOME KIND OF SLUT, BECAUSE IN THE END IT'S YOU WITH SHIT ON YOUR FACE. IT'S REALLY SAD THAT THIS HAS TO BE SAID LIKE THIS BUT I'LL PLAY THE GAME YOU WANT TO PLAY. SURE NOW I MUST SEEM LIKE A TERRIBLE FRIEND. AND SOME HOW I KNOW YOU WILL READ THIS AND CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT I'M WRONG, OR STUPID. YOU MIGHT EVEN SHOW YOUR SISTER AND SHE MIGHT CONVINCE YOU BOTH THAT IM UGLY AND A BITCH, WHICH IS THE PATH SHE SEEMS TO TAKE WHEN SHE BURNS THE BRIDGES IN HER LIFE. YOU TWO CAN TRY TO BELIEVE THAT I'M WRONG AND YOU'LL TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND AND YOUR ROOMATE. THAT'S FINE, I EXPECT IT OF YOU, BUT ONE DAY WITH ANY LUCK IT WILL HIT YOU. BECAUSE I HATE TO SAY IT BUT YOU DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS LEFT. SURE YOU CAN TAKE ME OFF YOUR TOP EIGHT (which without a doubt i already confirmed you did haha) YOU CAN STOP TALKING TO ME OR WHATEVER WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT ANYWAY, AND YOU CAN BELEIVE THAT YOUR ROOMATE YOU'VE KNOWN FOR A YEAR, YOUR BOYFRIENDS EX GIRLFRIEND THAT HE DATED IN BETWEEN YOU, AND HIM ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE YOU NEED. SURE YOU HAVE THE NEIGHBOR BUT HE'S MOVING, AND YOU CAN ALWAYS FLIRT WITH YOUR EX SO HE HANGS OUT WITH YOU AND PAYS FOR YOU THAT'S COOL TOO. CONTINUE TO SLANDER MY NAME ON LIVEJOURNAL SINCE YOU HAVE FEW PEOPLE TO TELL, BUT REMEMBER YOU LOSE CREDIBILITY MORE AND MORE THESE DAYS. I HOPE WHOEVER YOU DECIDE YOU DUB YOUR BEST FRIEND WILL STICK UP FOR YOU WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND WHEN EVERYONE YOU THOUHT WAS YOUR FRIEND JUST BLATANTLY TALKED BEHIND YOUR BACK IN HIGHSCHOOL. FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL SUPPORT YOUR CHOICE OF BOYFRIEND AND AID YOU IN LIES TO SEE HIM. FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LISTEN TO HOW ROUGH YOU HAVE IT AND BELIEVE IT. FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT FRIEND SHIP IS, BECAUSE I AM SHITTY AT IT. HOWEVER I RECALL LETTING YOU PUKE ON MY ARMS WHILE I HELD YOUR HAIR UP BECAUSE YOU DRANK TOO MUCH. BUT WHEN A YEAR AGO I HAD MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH SOME SEVERE BINGE DRINKING AND PUKING UNCONSCIOUSLY ON MYSELF YOU HAD SOMEONE WE BARELY KNOW TAKE CARE OF ME WHILE YOU SAT OUTSIDE DOWN THE HALL BECAUSE IT WAS TOO GROSS FOR YOU. AND REMEMBER HOW WHEN WE WERE LITTLE I COULD ALWAYS CONSIDER YOU AND LEAH MY FRIEND BUT YOU TWO HATED EACH OTHER, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME YOU COULDN'T STAND HER, BUT THEN WHEN WE WERE ALL TOGETHER YOU TWO ALWAYS GANGED UP ON ME?

I HOPE YOU FIND A REAL FRIEND, BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE A COUPLE TO SPARE.

THE VOICEMAIL FROM YOU:
"SINCE YOU'RE TWO YEARS OLD AND CAN'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE OR YOUR DOOR, I JUST WANT TO SAY FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU MEAGAN, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE WORSE FUCKING BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD IN MY FUCKING LIFE. YOU SUCK AS A FRIEND, YOU'RE ALWAYS WITH YOUR STUPID-ASS UGLY BOYFRIEND, WHO DOESN'T KNOW SHIT, OKAY? I ASK YOU TO PICK ME UP ONE TIME LIKE I'VE EVER FUCKING ASKED YOU TO PICK ME UP ANYWHRE, MAYBE ONCE IN MY LIFE IN GAINESVILLE, WHICH I DON'T THINK IS A BIG DEAL TO GO TO TARGET. BUT YOU ARE SO FUCKING OBSESSED WITH MONEY AND GAS AND ALL THAT SHIT AND FRIENDSHIP MEANS NOTHING TO YOU? FUCK YOU. SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU."
1 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

[08 Aug 2007|01:22pm]
my heart is dead
Look up at the sky

in a funk [02 Aug 2007|02:18am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

so yesterday was a bit crazy. had the day off and hung out with joey again to finish the song we wrote. im not gonna lie its amazing and i can wait for him to record it. after that i headed down to the ale house for beerpong night to watch logan and mattycakes kick ass. once again they brought that fifty dollar beer tab home! but the night was a mix of frustration and having fun. those guys they fought last time we actually got along with this time and its all water under the bridge now. im glad cus they were pretty cool. just goes to show how too many drinks can turn a guy into the juggernaut. im so over that btw. so obviously im thoroughly enjoying the fact that logan is not like that. but janelle was there, and she was trying to start so much shit. its so rediculous. shes obsessed with him and wont get a clue. she even tried to get him to fight this guy that was there with her cus he likes her and she likes logan. after he refused to fight, i see her sucking the guy that likes her face at a table right behind logan. FUCKING SLUTS. i hate her for that. she causes so much trouble and then in the end is just a total slut. and she was talking shit about me with her friends in a loud but indirect way but just trash talking abercrombie and constantly glancing over to see if im listening. yeah i heard you bitch but i really dont give a shit. seriously, im so over her and her little highschool drama bs. when i found out she was coming i was seriously going to shake her hand and say nice to meet you if she ended up sitting with us. even after all this shit that has been going on im not mad. i can see why she would like him, i dont blame her. but the fact that she is a psycho stalker is a bit creepy. but no. shes got to come in there try and get him into her mess and talk shit about me even though she doesnt know me. and get this, my favorite part is that apparently she called him afterward and said she was hoping i would say shit so she could stick me in my face! rofl just about covers it. first of all, if she honestly thinks i would waste my time getting up in her face she is rediculously conceited. and two if she so much as touches me, i will put her in the hospital. that is a promise. and what she needs to figure out is that when its all said in done, at the end of the night hes kissing me goodnight, and following me home to make sure i make there alright. so the way i see it, she can talk as much as she wants. that about sums up last night. after last nights festivities for some reason i stayed online until 6 00 even though i had to be at work at 10. i got about two hours of sleep, it sucked and i still felt buzzed which wasnt cool. after work met my mommy and brother for lunch at pf changs and saw logan matt and sammy. then i went to logans to wish his dad a happy birthday and to help logan pick out a birthday card. he went with the one i picked so i guess thats cool, and he had me sign it, which i figured was pretty cool too. then i went home so they could go out to dinner and watched grease and down to earth. im super tired and will go to bed shortly but i was feeling like i needed to reflect. i honestly feel like ive been doing so good with the updating because my wife is gone and i have no one to just tell my daily events too. plus i know shes likely to be the only person reading it so its like the same thing. heres to you libby. but anyway, im getting worried that im leaving soon. im so excited to go back, but im not excited to leave logan, plus matt goes back to new york and logan will be losing the two people i think he considers his best friends right now. i hope that doesnt cause him to move back to ohio. i want him to be happy, but i finally want to be happy too. i know if goes back to ohio its done. even though its pretty much done when i go back up, i dont believe it is. maybe im in denial, or i just feel like hes gonna end up wanting to visit alot. he offered to help me move, i want him to so i can show him around, i really think he'd like it there. we'll see. i also feel like hes really fighting some battles within himself right now. hes been acting almost bipolar with me the past couple days. like he'll almost try to be mean to me and then later hes holding me telling me i smell good. its all making me very confused, but im starting to think hes more confused then i am. im fighting my own battles aswell. the way i feel about him is becoming more clear and obvious to me but i dont know what the right thing to do is. i dont know if i should tell him or not. i want to, but i dont want to make things more complicated for him then they already are. with him trying to get ready to start school down here, to janelle being a huge stress, and dealing with missing his old freinds and family i dont want to be the one to pile more weight on top of him. not to mention the stress on myself due to the uncertainty of what his reaction might be. im in a funk.

1 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

cant sleep [30 Jul 2007|03:48am]
[ mood | bored ]

so waking up this morning (well technically yesterday morning) to go to logans didnt really work out. we were both too tired to hang before work. worked till 8.
it was crazy but i had the most amazing time messing around on the walkie talkies more than usual.
and we were all pretty much dicking around cus Gm and asst gm werent there. actually all the managers that really make you work dont work sundays so it gets chaotic. the store was a disaster but we had our fun.
got my little buddy preston to go eat at pf changs to sit in logan or matts section but the hostess, janelle (libby lol) told us it was gonna be like a 45 min wait. they were packed too evidently.
so i ended up eating at steak and shake with my ex, aaron, his new girl who is nice ( almost that goody goody too nice its annoying thing)(but you cant talk bad about because they're nice), c rob, and his friend justin. pretty much uneventful. i went straight home around 12 after that cus i was tired which is unusual and my face was flushed. i hope im not coming down with something. but yeah came right home got in bed and forrest gump was on and i was falling asleep watching it but as soon as it ended and i turned off the tv i couldnt fall asleep. thats my luck. so i've been surfing the internet and what not to make myself tired and i have to say writing this has done it. my day was so boring its putting me to sleep to write about it. so on that note i think ill try to catch some zzz. sweet dreams

2 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

tipsayyyyy [29 Jul 2007|04:20am]
[ mood | tired ]

so i met up with matt and logan afterwork. ( ive been trying not to use names but its getting to difficult and confusing. logan is "Him" and matt is his friend.) anyway... met them at some pizza place then we went to the ale house. i love being a regular josh is the best waiter in the world! so we ran up the 100 dollar bartab logan and matt won from winnning beerpong two weeks in a row.sweet! and we had a great time. ps. big ps!!!! i finally left but not just with a hug. we kissed baby!!! i know that sounds so lame but when you havent touched the person you like for a month and pretend you're just friends and then a makeout session comes your way you get fucking excited! it was amazing and i wish it didnt end. but tomorrow im suppose to get up at 10 in the am to go to his house and chill by his pool before we go to work at 3. i hope it wasnt just the drinking that got him to let go of his inhibitions. that would upset me a tad :( but either way im so happy right now you have no idea. anywho, its four o'clock in the fucking morning! i've been waiting so long to be able to say that... time for bed. later kiddies!

Look up at the sky

ok so today... [28 Jul 2007|12:34am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

so last night i went to the ale house again with friends from work. ladys night girls drink free from 10 to 12 woop woop. well after a couple drinks the GM and a manager from Ruehl ended up sitting with us and talkinga. these guys are loaded and once again i thought the whole situation was kind of awkward cus we're the same company and they are managers but they're drinking and flirting with us. well we ended up going back to their place at beach club OMG so freaking amazing. but i decided to go home shortly after getting there cus i felt a little uncomfortable with the situation. so that was that. today my GM finally asked me if he was obnoxious the other night, i reminded him of alot of the stupid stuff he did and i think we actually bonded. maybe he realized i helped him out even though he's a dick to me, so maybe he'll be a little nicer out of guilt. and if he doesnt...blackmale.
I also got to go out to dinner with Him and his dad and boyfriend. it was so much fun, and afterward all three of them insisted on walking me all the way to my car until i was in it to make sure i didnt get abducted 5 ft away lol. i thought that was cute. see you dont take your "friends" out to family dinners like that. i mean you can, but no, that is clearly not being "just friends." and He's also been calling me alot lately to do stuff, it use to be me always calling him. maybe some of what i said is sinking in, maybe he'll give up on holding back eventually. maybe i just need to be patient. whats funny is my fortune cookie tonight actually said i needed to be more patient and i would get what i want. kinda creepy now that i think about it.

Look up at the sky

alot to update [26 Jul 2007|01:54am]
[ mood | happy ]

so many interesting events have ensued since the last update.
so for starters i hung out with him like two nights ago and like the typical night nothing happened but this time it was really bad.
i ended up giving him a massage and that got things intense so when i left from that i was like ahhh what am i doing.
so the next day on my break from work i talked to him and told him that i didn't think i could see him anymore because its getting too difficult. i cant deal with this pretending and what not when i know i really care for you alot. and we pretty much ran the same circle before about how we dont really have many options and that this isnt fair because im leaving soon yadi yadi yada and i could tell he was upset and he thought it was stupid to not see each other at all because of this. and i agree but at the same time i know just seeing him isnt exactly working either, well at the end of this conversation which seemed pretty much unresolved whatsoever he asked if he could call me back.
well when i got off work i called him and then he goes " so what are you doing tonight? because we're going to the ale house and i wanted to know if you wanted to come."
WTF.
so apparently nothing got through...or we're not making any changes...or he's gonna act differently...
me being me naturally, do i even bring up what we had been talking about a few hours prior? hell no. why? because im curious to see which of the three above are going to take place, and i thought it was all so unconventional how the conversation was completely dissregarded it actually amused me, therefore i had to go.
well let me just tell you how crazy the rest of the night was.
so we get to the ale house and him and his friend go ahead and sign up for beer pong, and we just hung out playing pool and drinking while we waited for it to start.
lo and behold some of the ANF crew start arriving. including hmmm... my GM and asst. manager...this is odd considering we're not technically suppose to hang out with any managers outside of work and they just arrived with regular staff. now keep in mind we all go to the ale house and the managers go to the ale house..thats fine cus we dont go together or hang out other than a hey whats up kind of thing. not only did they show up like this but they showed up completely hammered. what caught my eye and made me realize they were there was the sight of my GM a man putting on lipgloss.. i go over there and say whats up and end up cleaning up my GM cus he had dirt all over his face, having him drink my beer then spill a little on my pants and shoes, and deciding to play pool with my friends(this was very weird especially cus my managers were too drunk to remember if they were stripes or solids.) my GM then disappeared with my coworker who is 18 mind you my GM has been married for 2 years. my asst. manager started hitting on me and he was all over the other girls too mind you hes in a relationship with one of our managers who actually transferred to the kids store so they could date. great, my management is completely sleezy...and i guess so are my coworkers.
meanwhile in the championship round of beerpong cus my boys are killer, the guys that they were playing were completely outrageous and started stuff. then the bigger one approached my friend too punch him. what does my boy do? jumps in the way to stop it, takes a punch to the jaw and gets choked and slammed up against the wall, kept his head, didnt swing at all even though i know for a fact he could have killed the asshole and told the guy to stop because this was stupid. so not only have i known my boy is amazing but last night i learned so much more about him. he's an amazing friend for taking the blow and even though he was hammered drunk like all the rest involved, he actually resisted the urge to bustacap, and got the guy to back the fuck up. im use to guys getting angry when theyre drunk and practically coming after me. all the more reason i've decided i think im falling deeply deeply in love with quite possibly the best guy i've ever met. yeah i said it.
so i end up driving his friend home then driving him home. we talked a little outside and he hugged me..of course lol... but grunted like he was mad. i asked him what was wrong and he just said nothingggggg and hugged me tighter. i guess i know what that meant. i then said "i love how we completely disregarded the conversation earlier" he just laughed and said "i know" and hugged me some more and kissed me on the cheek. ladies and gents, i got a kiss on the cheek! lol. so i still dont know where this is headed but i've officially decided there is no way i could go without seeing him. i'd rather hurt when i leave him knowing we're not together, then to not experience him and get to know him more at all. i know this makes it worse especially because the more im with him and the more i learn the more i like. and that kills me. but hes worth it.
but that was my update for lastnight and i know its suuuuper long and not a single person is probably reading this but i dont care, its felt good to kind of reflect on my days lately. but as for tonight i went to the beach with my good friend who i told a couple weeks ago to write a lullaby. he decided he wanted my help so thats what we were doing. can i just say we came up with the best song i've basically ever heard and i couldnt feel anymore relieved and excited. relieved because this is something i've wanted for a long time and the fact that i knew what i wanted, couldnt express it, but i have an amazing friend who understands my mind and produced nothing short of exactly what i wanted, blows my mind. all in all it made my day, along with giving my banana to a homeless man today on my way to work and watching him shake his head as he ate it in my rearview mirror as if to say: m'm m'm m'm this is the best damn banana i ever did eat! yeah that ranked pretty high on my "made my day" moments.
tootles

4 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

warped tour [23 Jul 2007|12:20am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

yeah i got to go so i was pretty happy about that.
the weather got nasty so we had to leave.
not too happy about that.
but i did get to see some really great bands even though i missed most of the ones i went for.
later i went to the uf waterpolo tournament at the hall of fame in ft. lauderdale.
it was pretty sweet and i got to see alot of old friends from my swim team and my old coach.
then i saw i now pronounce you chuck and larry with him.
it was super funny i recommend it.
we went back his place and it was late and we were tired, but he didnt want me to go.
so we talked till we fell asleep and then woke up at like 4am and i went home.
but with what?
you got it.
a hug.
ah.

Look up at the sky

cloudy day [20 Jul 2007|12:29pm]
[ mood | calm ]

the weather is kinda icky out, but that makes me not as dissappointed to go in to work.
so in that way its a plus.
hung out with him again last night, more of the same shenannigans, and still resistance.
boo to that.
afterward met up with t. alex gomez and his boyscout friends.
as it turns out i was sippin some bubbly with the boyscouts national chief.
if you were in boyscouts this might make you highly jealous, and for that im sorry.
we cant all be as cool as me. haha
but honestly he was a pretty cool guy too bad im completely blinded by Him, or else i might have been interested.
sirah sirah.
im gonna be late for work now, poop.

Look up at the sky

milk and cereal [19 Jul 2007|01:26pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

cereal and milk! cereal and milk! eating honey nut cheerios for the first time in a long time.
its awesome.
but cinnamon toast crunch is definately in order.
go back to work today.
yuck!
im gonna get a friend of mine to teach me how to skim board, if i like it im buying one.
then that will give me something to occupy my time with for the next month other than him.
if i really get crazy about it im quitting my job.
no question.
these arent smart decisions i know, but i say fuck it, its summer and im doing what i want.
especially since i cant do that in every other area of my life right now.
we got cheesecake from the cheesecake factory last night then went back to his place for a good dosage of Entourage.
amazing show.
he started laying on me and play fighting and wrestling with me, the tension was palpable.
it took every last inch of my will power to just do that and nothing more.
i imagine it wasnt easy for him either, and yet i left again with nothing more than a friendly embrace that was just a little too long and a little too wanted.
im losing my mind, enough said. :)

Look up at the sky

passing time [18 Jul 2007|01:34am]
[ mood | calm ]

went to the beach today, it was pretty but i was by myself.
i didnt mind though since i wasn't staying long.
went shopping all day with the boy im smitten with and had a blast.
went back and ate dinner with his dad and boyfriend and that was amazing.
headed back to the mall for more shopping and then persuaded him to pierce his ears, they came out sweeet.
but i think he was more excited about carrying out his claire's bag which was pretty funny.
the night ended in another friendly hug that lingered just a moment longer than normal.
it's getting rough to be realistic.
tomorrow im meeting my friend meghan from gville at the beach so that should be fun, and He said he'd call me when he got out of work so maybe i'll see him again.
i go back to work thursday, i dont want to.
i made some great friends but the fun has passed.
id rather be traveling now, i want to see new places.
sometimes i wish i could just put school on hold for a year and everything still be waiting for me when i got back.
i love uf, i really do, but id really like to explore and meet more people.
road trip anyone?
too bad it's not practical, seems to be the theme lately.
everything i really want isnt practical.
my biggest fear is that ill continue doing what is practical and never really be happy.
i hope its worth it in the end.
reason tells me it will be, my heart begs to differ.

Look up at the sky

sleepless... [17 Jul 2007|02:24am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

cant sleep, dont know why.
havent posted in a while even though i dont have problems with commitment.
helped my bestfriend leave her house for good today.
that depresses me, but her family depresses me more.
she'll go back to gville and ill be alone with the exception of the amazing kid who wont get close to me since im leaving in a month.
i dont want to be angry at God for that fact alone, but its getting hard not to hold it against him.
i cared for all my past boyfriends but looking back they were all pretty screwed up.
but the second i come home i meet a person who makes me want to be a better person only to know it can never be.
theres always the long distance thing but we all know...IT BLOWS.
i could handle that though, my gut tells me he cant.
go figure.
Not that i need a boy, because i am fine without them.
its the 24/7 feeling of my heart breaking everytime im with him i cant seem to handle anymore.
its hard to pretend your friends when you know you're falling hard.
i just miss those moments you can only have with a significant other.
i suppose it wasn't meant to be, just get over it... spilled milk.
my heart is with a boy who left his heart in ohio. jokes on me.

1 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

hello friends...its been too long [30 Apr 2007|01:20am]
[ mood | thankful ]

I love how I randomly pop my head in on lj like once a year. but i've realized i never miss out on anything, its still the same people complaining about how much their lives suck, or people putting up ambiguous posts about people when really its directed at one person. I would have liked to think that half of these people were over this kind of nonsense but i guess in their own way they never really will be.

its unfortunate that so many of us who are so truly blessed and fortunate to live the lives we live can do nothing but complain and dwell on every flaw the day might bring. i'd like to take this moment to say I am so grateful for all the many positive things that i do have in my life. the amount of whining that goes on in these journals is obscene and disgusting. If you have your health, your family, and your friends, i dont think you have much of a right to do this kind of self pity bullshit. venting is one thing, reading peoples posts who vent are quite entertaining, but its one thing to vent and another to everyday have not one thing positive to say.

Matter of fact, i challenge anyone who might read this to then make a post or a comment on mine of atleast one positive thing that is going on in your life. i've seen so many tragedies in this one month alone, and the people that they affected seem to have more positive things to say then some of you. lets face it, shit happens. that has been my motto this whole year, and i think once you accept that it does you stop focusing on it so much. i haven't heard from some of you in such a long time, make my day and tell me something you're happy about :)
<3 meagan

Look up at the sky

HELLOOOOOOOOO [30 Nov 2006|12:09am]
[ mood | chipper ]

i havent posted in a million years.
so i thought i would.
i just bought a dozen krispy cremes with natalia.
today was a weird day, but not a bad day.
i suck at posts, sorry its not my fault.
:)

7 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

sick as a dog..woof [25 Jan 2006|09:41pm]
[ mood | sick ]

ive been confined to my bed for the past two days which isnt that great. i think ill be okay now if i can eat. anyway i have to apologize to my SLMers because i totally forgot today was wednesday since i wasnt at school. i hope the meeting went okay and that you guys voted, if not im sure we'll figure something out. the high light of my day was when my wonderful boyfriend and his dad and his brother came over to check on me. i was feelin the love. and the day i got sick he was helping me up and down the stairs and into my car, you guys it was so cute. :) dontcha just love amazing boyfriends mike=happiness

1 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

[25 Dec 2005|07:20pm]
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...
Look up at the sky

wow [18 Dec 2005|02:03pm]
this is a joke right?:
"you're a fucking lazy motherfucker who shouldnt've gotten in.
fuck that.
you deserve death for being a fake."

thats a bit harsh if i do say so myself. i know i said i felt bad because other deserving people didn't get in, but i never said i didn't deserve to get in. In my defense, i know i can be quite the slacker when it comes to school work, but that doesn't mean i don't understand the work. aside from ap macro i dont cheat on tests. and ill be damned if someone will call me lazy in general. I might not be the most energetic person but thats because i do a hell of alot, unlike people who join a million clubs and dont show up to a damn meeting just so they can put it on their application, i make it a point to be dedicated. so the hours i've spent away from my family, the sweat i've shed in the heat, the numerous times i've put 130 kids before myself... that was real. so call me lazy because i copy a homework packet every now and then, fine. but fuck you if you're gonna call me fake, because that obviously means your not a friend of mine and in that case i could careless. and atleast im real enough to put my name to things i write and take accountability for them.
12 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

bitches and hoes bitches and hoes [14 Dec 2005|08:38pm]
i got 99 problems but a bitch ain't 1. theres about to be a wwf smackdown up in hurrr.
3 *WISHED ON A STAR* -x- Look up at the sky

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